Another thing they left out of the manual: relationships take work!
In my psychotherapy practice, I've discovered that many couples have the "happily ever after" expectation and are surprised when their relationship is not like a fairy tale.
I'm not here to tell you what to do, who to blame, or the right or wrong way to act. What I can do is help you translate what the other person is saying in a different way and show you alternative ways of reacting--maybe helping you to understand what you might feel if you were in their shoes. I want to help the two of you create something different. You actively participate in your own version of what a satisfying relationship is. I take you and the work very seriously, but I will also look for the humor in it all. After all, laughter is therapeutic.
Some of the areas I work on with couples are:
Conflict
Communication
Cultural Differences
Money & Finances
Sexual Issues
Dealing with In-Laws
Intimacy
Infidelity
Infertility & Adoption
Balancing Time & Priorities
Many of us of us have ideas in our heads about love from earlier experiences that may not have been satisfying. Often these old ideas or experiences cloud our judgment about what is happening in our current relationships. And sometimes there is pressure from the outside — crisis at work, parenting, family and in-law issues, becoming step-parents.
Think of any physical endeavor you have ever undertaken. You work out harder, you play harder and have more energy. What if the same is true for relationships: more work equals more satisfaction, more enjoyment. And as you do more pull ups, more salutations to the sun, more laps around the park, the easier it gets.
These are just some of the goals that couples have come in wanting to accomplish:
learn to listen to each other
support each other’s goals
be willing to compromise
make family and relationship decisions together
stop keeping score
reconnect, relax and have fun
You might be feeling the need for more conversation, more affection, more passion. If you feel like these things are missing, sometimes the reaction is one of shame because you think you are the only couple to be like this. You’d be surprised at how many couples feel disconnected and are in need of change. If you are looking at this, you have already begun to take action. Please call or email me with any questions about my couples and marriage therapy. I continue to study new research on relationships/love and am in a supervision group with the world renowned author, speaker and psychotherapist Esther Perel.